As a sixteen-year-old, Dave was arrested for drunken driving while Jamie, who was fifteen at the time, tried to commit suicide by ingesting the full bottle of sleeping pills her parents had given him. As a parent, you would feel like a failure in any of these situations. That we are not failures is something we must keep in mind. As parents, we’ll experience setbacks, but we must avoid labelling ourselves as failures in our efforts to raise our children.
When you start to feel like a failure as a parent, remember these 10 things.
In the midst of adversity, look for a silver lining.
Hopelessness is one of the most debilitating emotions one may experience. It is natural to want to give up or give up trying when there is no hope left in the situation. We have to keep going as parents because our children need us. To shift our viewpoint and stop seeing ourselves as failures in the face of adversity, we must search for signs of optimism in the circumstance. This will enable us to reframe the circumstance and provide us with the motivation to keep on with what we’re currently doing.
Because she’s a wonderful child but constantly comes home from school in a terrible mood, Sally doesn’t get along well with her parents. In her bedroom, she will slam the door and declare that she just wants to be left alone. A straight-A student, she finishes all of her homework right after school and gets it done quickly.
This kind of behaviour is common among children of all ages.
After a hard day at school, she was in a typical adolescent mood. They’re exhausted and need some time to themselves to recover from the day’s activities. Her mother’s feelings of failure were no longer a part of her life, but rather a part of how she saw the situation.
She now understands that this is a necessary component of her daughter’s post-school decompression routine. As a result, when her daughter gets home from school, she doesn’t bother attempting to strike up a conversation with her; instead, she lets her walk straight to her room to do her homework. Nonetheless, she hopes that her daughter would eventually grow out of this period, and she also recognises that her daughter is accountable for her assignments. As a result, she is an excellent student. Each day, once her daughter has had time to relax and do her schoolwork in her room, she expects to have pleasant chats with her.
Seek Assistance from Others.
Hope in the scenario might help you keep moving ahead and avoid blaming yourself for the issue. If you’re having trouble seeing the silver lining in your current predicament, enlist the aid of a close friend who can provide encouragement and perspective. Finding a therapist to speak with about your personal circumstance might also be beneficial.
We can’t do everything.
Because we can’t do it all as parents, we frequently feel like a failure. Due to our work schedule, we are unable to give our child’s class a handmade birthday treat or attend their basketball games. Attempting to accomplish it all is a waste of time. We are all limited by the number of hours in a day, which is why we can’t do all we want.
Be Kind to Ourselves.
It’s time to let go of the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves to be the perfect parent or partner. Accept that you can’t achieve it all at once and give yourself some slack. Today, we’re your dishes piled high and your laundry piles piled high when you had to leave the house for work? It’s fine. Eventually, it will be there for you to do. Allow yourself some wiggle room. We can’t be flawless, and we can’t be superheroes either. Do what seems right for you, and remind yourself that it’s acceptable if you don’t finish it right away. You can’t do everything.
It’s normal to have disappointments throughout life.
Many parents worry that they are failing their children when they are unable to attend all of their extracurricular activities with them. Regular occurrences include missing games because of conflicts with job or family obligations that prevented them from attending due to a lack of funds.
Remind yourself that disappointments are a normal part of life, so don’t feel bad if you miss out on your kids’ things. A smart strategy to help your kid deal with disappointments in life is to encourage him or her to speak about it and work through their emotions.
Recognize Your Enoughness.
Recognize that you have enough to offer the world. Your youngster just wants you at the end of the day. They don’t want anybody else to be their parent except you. There is a unique link formed between a parent and a kid.
Make sure you don’t put too much stock in things like pricey trips or the latest video games. The most essential thing is for you to continue to be their parent and to show them that you care about them. It doesn’t matter if you can’t be there in person, sending your child a text wishing them good luck during their game is enough to brighten their day. Because you are their parent and a part of their daily lives, you are enough.
Keep a Journal of Happy Reminiscences.
Everyone’s childhood isn’t flawless. It doesn’t exist, and it never will. However, we may all remember our childhoods with fondness.
To preserve the happy times, take the time to write them down. As a parent, this will help you get through the difficult moments. As a parent, you should keep a diary or a picture book of your favourite moments. Keep a scrapbook of joyful memories from family vacations, a diary of your pride in your child’s academic achievements, or a bulletin board full of cheerful pictures and mementoes in your house.
Record as many happy moments as you can. They’ll be grown and living on their own before you know it. Using photographs, notebooks, albums, a blog, or any other method that works best for you may help you remember the happy times you’ve had. Reminiscing about your child’s happy upbringing and your own happy connection will be easier if you keep a record of your interactions with them.
For one thing, you aren’t alone.
Parenting is by far the most difficult job in the world, according to many experts. You’re not the only one going through this. Every parent on the earth has a role to play. We’re all human. We’ve all had moments when we felt like a failure. Because every kid is unique, there is no one optimal approach to raise a child. We can only do our best to raise our children in a manner that is best suited to their individual needs and circumstances.
Reach out to other parents when you’re feeling alone. There are several Facebook communities for parents who are going through similar problems. Do you have an eating disordered child? You may connect with other parents going through the same thing by joining a social media community. This can help you better understand your kid, their illness, and most importantly, help you discover support from other parents on the same path.
Help Is Easily Accessible
A support group or counsellor might help you if you are suffering from parenting concerns or feel like a failure as a parent. Find a local therapist using the Mental Health America website or the Psychology Today website’s search options.
It’s Okay to Walk Away from a Situation on Occasion
We might feel like we’re failing when we get into a fight with our children. It’s always preferable to avoid yelling, screaming, and raising your voice. We all need to take a step back from time to time.
This isn’t a permanent exit strategy! Definitely not. The implication is that we, or our adolescents, may need a period of time to decompress from time to time. When things become heated, it’s OK to remark, “We need to take a breather and calm off, and we’ll get back to this in an hour or so.” Take a step back and let the situation calm down for all parties.
Recognizing the Need for Forgiveness and Making Apologies Have a Big Impact
We and your kid will both make errors. We must be able to accept forgiveness and make amends. Apologizing to your children might be difficult for some parents, but it’s worth it in the long run. It demonstrates to your kid how much you value them by apologising to them for your error. In the absence of genuine remorse, children are left to suffer. In certain cases, the scars might last until adulthood.
Accept responsibility for your actions and seek forgiveness from others. In the long term, it will strengthen your bond with your kid. As a result, the two of you will have a deeper bond of trust. Your example and actions will also teach them that apologies and forgiveness are critical components of a good relationship.
It’s Also Essential That We Treat Ourselves Properly
Taking care of a child is physically, emotionally, and psychologically exhausting. Take care of yourself so you can be prepared for the difficult work of raising a child.
Get plenty of rest, eat healthily, get some exercise, and find a way to express your feelings. Maintaining your physical and emotional health is essential for the benefit of your family. Taking excellent care of oneself is essential if you want to be your best self.
It’s a Protracted Trip
Remind yourself that motherhood is a marathon, not a sprint, whenever you feel like a failure as a parent. There will be numerous peaks and valleys, as well as many potholes, throughout the journey. Given how far we have to go, we can expect some setbacks along the road. Having a plan in place to deal with the inevitable bumps and peaks in our parenting journey can help us cope more effectively.
Consult with a specialist if you or your kid need assistance. Be assured that you are not alone on this path. We’re all on this trip together, one setback after another. That being said, let’s lend a hand to one other when we need it.
