There are so many voices in our brains! You’ve seen them before. Judgment and scepticism are the whispered words they use. What do they want to know about us? and “How on earth are you so nave?” There is nothing they can’t do to convince us that we’re not good enough. Slowly but steadily, we begin to lose faith in ourselves, our abilities, and most of our previously held beliefs about the world around us.
Does this sound familiar to you?
You’re not the only one. A lack of self-confidence is something that affects everyone from time to time. You’re not to blame either. Losing one’s self-esteem may be caused by a plethora of circumstances because a wide range of factors, including genetics, life experiences, and media messages, as contributing factors.
In other words, what can we do if we’re starting to doubt ourselves? That’s an easy one: “a lot.”
Four easy actions I’ve used with my clients to help them regain their confidence have worked wonders for me as well.
The first step is to discover what’s causing the problem.
The key to reversing the downward spiral and regaining and increasing your confidence is to understand why you’re losing it in the first place.
In other words, spend some time to become aware of the negative effects in your life, including your surroundings, thoughts, habits, and interpersonal connections.
For instance:
- Are you comparing your “highlight reel” on social media to that of others? Is it a boost to your self-esteem or a blow to your self-esteem?
- Is your self-worth based on unreasonable expectations? Were there times in your life when it seemed like you had to be flawless or know everything from the start? Are those “impossibles” a contributing factor to your lack of self-assurance?
- Are you starting to feel the effects of ageing? Even if you’re in your 20s or 30s or 40s, 50s, or 60s or beyond, every season of your life brings with it new experiences that might cause us to lose confidence in who we thought we were.
- Have individuals in your life—your so-called “friends,” your supervisors, your coworkers, or even your significant other—beaten and battered your self-confidence to the point that you’ve given up on it?
- You may begin to break free from anything or whoever is holding you back by asking yourself these questions and obtaining answers.
The second step is recalling your identity
That’s correct, by the way. This is either too basic or too overwhelming and even frightening….. It’s empowering for everyone I’ve worked with, and I can tell you that from my own experience.
Simply said, this is a self-assessment. So, have a piece of paper ready. Make a list of all the years you’ve lived.
You may begin at any age and work in five- or ten-year intervals, depending on your preference. Regardless of how you go about it, the end result is the same. The most important thing is, to be honest with yourself.
We are more likely to dwell on the bad aspects of our lives, such as prior traumatic events or perceived failures. Writing down everything you’ve accomplished so far in your life is what you’ll be doing here.
No detail is too insignificant. There will be no snobbery or selectiveness. It’s as simple as writing everything down.
Did you take your first steps when you were 11 months old, for example? Since when was your first word spoken? I’m curious, when did you first learn how to ride a bike? When did you first get your driver’s licence at the age of 16? Is it a PC or a Mac from which you learned how to use computers? How old were you when you had your first love interest? Have you ever been in charge of a feathery or furry friend? For the first time, when did you fly? When did you get your first paycheck, and how old were you? Describe a former accomplishment you never imagined you’d be able to achieve.
That’s why it’s so eye-opening to look back and see how far we’ve come, even if many of the things we’ve accomplished thus far had us stumped in the beginning.
When we were attempting and learning, we made blunders and fell down a few times. It’s quite probable we did. The important thing to remember is that neither good nor negative things remain indefinitely.
Self-esteem and self-awareness are enhanced as a result of this practice. It’s easier to see things in retrospect, and it’s not uncommon to have those “aha!” moments when you realise that something that didn’t go as intended ended up serving as the impetus for something much greater and better than you could have imagined.
For our next step, we’ll go outside of ourselves and look at the world. So, invite your friends and family to express two or three things about you that come to mind when they think of you, either in a social media post or a text message.
Don’t be afraid to speak your mind and don’t worry about what others may think. I’m certain that the replies you get will surprise you in a favourable manner.
However, it does not imply that we cannot learn to make friends with our own selves (and who those voices of self-doubt and judgement in our heads have us convinced we may be).
Step three is to make a statement with your body language
Vogue is part of what I’m referring to here, and Madonna fans may have just said it. If you haven’t read the words of Madonna’s 1990 song of the same name, I highly recommend it.
When you don’t feel good about yourself, this song encourages you to go out on the dance floor. The song’s lyrics are aimed at anybody who is doubting their own abilities, and they encourage you to follow in the footsteps of famous people with a can-do mentality throughout history.
Is it still impossible for you to trust me? Don’t you think it’s impossible? Don’t know how to dance or don’t care about it?
You’re right. When I was feeling low in self-esteem, I would take a few deep breaths and begin to strike my posture in order to improve my confidence.
My company was going through a merger, and it was especially difficult for me as a young executive to keep my head above the water. Moments before I had to face a boardroom full of people who would decide my destiny, my path crossed with an older, wiser star who had “been around the block.”
Even in her most fearful times, she exuded an air of confidence. This sweet woman revealed her secret to me.
Are you ready?
You execute what she informed me was termed “the Wonder Woman position” in the elevator, corridor, or toilet on your approach to whatever it is that has undermined your trust in yourself and your talents (works no matter how you self-identify).
It’s as simple as putting your hands on your hips, chin tucked in and taking a deep breath. Hold this position for a few seconds before moving on to the next one.
Beyoncé is a master at it.
If you want to feel more confident, mimicking successful people’s body language might be a great way for you to achieve so, according to studies.
In the fourth and last step, just say “no.”
Confidence is a sign that you’ve surrendered your authority. No is one of the quickest ways to regain control of your life, and it’s only two letters.
It’s going to take some time to get the hang of this. So here’s a surprise: When you lost faith in yourself, you did the same thing. Step 1 in this post should be revisited. You had to experience each of those scenarios a lot before they started to chip away at your self-esteem. In order to improve your self-esteem, it’s time to identify the things that are making you feel bad about yourself.
Begin with a modest goal in mind. Is your mental health suffering as a result of your constant use of social media? Then all you have to do is say no. Go on a social media hiatus if you find yourself glued to your phone.
You have the power to decide whether or not you want to be surrounded by that noise. In order to get the most out of social media, you must put yourself first by saying “no” to other people’s postings.
Is it possible that your waning self-esteem is a symptom of your advancing years? Everyone knows that ageism and prejudice exist, as well as the widely held belief that you’re either too old or incapable of learning new skills.
At every age, we assume the previous decade was easier and we are somehow better or wiser or quicker than we were in the previous decade. While some of this may be accurate, it isn’t the majority of it.
Say “no” to dwelling on your perceived inadequacies or lowered abilities. Make the most of what you know, what you’ve experienced, what you’ve learned, and what you’ve accomplished. Tell your inner voice “No. ” each time it criticises you. Thank you, but I’m afraid you’re mistaken, and I’ll explain why.
At the very least, say “no” once a day. To your internal doubting voices, or to the external causes you’ve pinpointed as the source of your lack of self-assurance A combination of this and the other ideas above may help restore your self-confidence.
Lastly, some words of wisdom
We all experience periods of low self-esteem from time to time. Many times I’ve experienced it myself.
The individuals closest to you, those who seem to be so self-confident, are likely to shrug and nod and tell you that they’ve experienced self-doubt and a lack of confidence, too. I think it’s a natural aspect of being a person and carrying out our lives.
Without your cooperation, no one has the right to make you feel less valuable.
In the end, it’s up to you. You are in complete control at all times. Keep your sense of self-identity fresh in mind. Say “no” to the things that are holding you back and strike a posture.
This leads me to my next question: what do you want to know? To begin the process of regaining your self-esteem, what one little move can you do today?
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